A life's ambition fulfilled!
I took my mate's dog for a walk on the beach earlier in the week. When we were starting out, some Christian guy gave me a religious tract. I stuck it in my pocket rather than litter.
The dog and I moved slower along the beach than the Christian. I had 2 sticks so the dog was running twice as far as me.
The Christian bloke tried to give me another tract on his way back along the beach. I told him that he'd already given me a tract. He asked, 'Have you found the Lord?'. I replied, 'No. Are you sure that this is where he fell in?'
Stolen from Kevin Bloody Wilson but it very rarely that you will get a chance to use that line.

I didn't say 'Where the cunt fell in'. <-- Bit of class.