Post a Joke Thread - Page 9

**bazzer** · #**161** 14-09-2010, 11:32 PM

Bloke walks into a brothel and says "I'm a bit Kinky, how much for total humiliation?" The Madam replies �37.50 He replies "WOW, what do i get for that?" She says "A fucking celtic top!! =

**Begbie** · #**162** 14-09-2010, 11:44 PM

Hope he got one of the away shirts.

That's what I call 'stung', paying good money to look like a wasp (if they're skinny).

**evertone** · #**163** 15-09-2010, 07:06 PM

A man walks into a welsh pub and asks for a white wine and a spritzer.

The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..

"Where you from boyo?.You sound English".

"Im from just across the Severn Bridge" replies the man nervously.

"What do you do then...just across the Severn Bridge?".

" Im a taxidermist" he says glancing around anxiously.

"What the fuck is one of those boyo do you drive a taaaxi?"

"No... i mount animals" he says

"Its alright boys," yells the barman"hes one of us!!!.

**WKR Man** · #**164** 16-09-2010, 08:42 PM

The Pope touched Down in London today.

Down, aged 6, declined to comment.

**bazzer** · #**165** 16-09-2010, 10:37 PM

Bella Houston says she has never seen so many wankers in the one place
she says the tims kept cumin and cumin

**lumberjack** · #**166** 16-09-2010, 11:01 PM

News just in, is that George Michael had a chocolate bar shoved up his bum by inmates during his first night in prison.

Prison officers said it was just a careless Wispa.

**roller coaster** · #**167** 20-09-2010, 11:02 PM

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!

**deadlywill** · #**168** 21-09-2010, 04:20 AM

FSi Embedded Video - Visit Source

**deadlywill** · #**169** 21-09-2010, 02:05 PM

There's a woman in labour in hospital, screaming and swearing like a trooper. 'Get this thing out of me! Give me the drugs! Shit, shit, shit, shit!!!

Turning to her boyfriend, she says 'This is agony, you did this to me you bastard! You!

He looks at her and says mildly ' If you'll recall, I wanted to stick it in your arse, but you said it would be too painful.'

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What does a man do with his arsehole when he's having an orgasm?

He leaves her at home with the kids.

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I got caught knocking one out while sniffing my mates sister's knickers yesterday. Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time. He went fucken ballistic! Made the rest of the funeral very awkward for the both of us...

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A bloke started a business making land mines that look like prayer mats. When his mate asked him how it was working out for him, he said, "Great thanks. Prophets are going through the roof!"

**Burdock** · #**170** 21-09-2010, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjack

News just in, is that George Michael had a chocolate bar shoved up his bum by inmates during his first night in prison.

Prison officers said it was just a careless Wispa.

In the same vein....

Inspired by his new skinhead cell-mate, George Michael has written his first song since arriving in prison...... 'Hairless Fister'.

**evertone** · #**171** 29-09-2010, 07:03 PM

Marriage is like a deck of cards.In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond.

By the end youll wish you had a club and a fucking spade.

**imperial109** · #**172** 29-09-2010, 08:34 PM

What do you call a scouser in a 4 bed semi detached?

A burglar

**lumberjack** · #**173** 30-09-2010, 10:54 PM

Carrying on the python jokes....... one of my faves:

FSi Embedded Video - Visit Source

**Begbie** · #**174** 01-10-2010, 12:16 AM

I think I've posted this before. My favourite Python sketch. I hate Coventry City because they messed up this sketch and beat Spurs in doing so.

FSi Embedded Video - Visit Source

**big dan** · #**175** 01-10-2010, 07:29 PM

why do all the teletubbies go to the toilet all at one *drumroll* cause they only got one tinky winky

**Begbie** · #**176** 01-10-2010, 07:37 PM

What do you call an Irish Republican Tellytubby?

Tiocfaidh �r l�-l�.

**big dan** · #**177** 01-10-2010, 08:14 PM

oi you asshole :P

**evertone** · #**178** 08-10-2010, 01:15 PM

Woman meets a bloke in a bar and goes back to his place.

During the course of the evening whilst passing his bedroom she notices three neat rows of teddy bears sat on shelves.

On the bottom shelf are small bears,middle shelf bigger bears and large bears on the the top shelf.

Woman thinks bloke must be a sensitive kind of bloke and thinks he could be the one.

One thing leads to another and they end up in bed making passionate love.

Next morning woman asks bloke, How was i ?.

Bloke replies not fucking bad at all help yourself to any prize off the middle shelf!

**deadlywill** · #**179** 08-10-2010, 02:00 PM

nice one evertone mate

**hoddle10** · #**180** 09-10-2010, 08:24 PM

The wife came home today and brought me a tub of ice cream and asked if i wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. To which she cheekily replied "As hard as your cock when you think of me naked". I said "Go on then, pour me some"...