Post a Joke Thread - Page 22

**Begbie** · #**421** 10-08-2011, 08:53 PM

Manchester hooleys have stopped looting. They were getting close to Shark's house and the smell of him shitting himself has driven them off.

**Sharks** · #**422** 11-08-2011, 11:18 AM

Begs just tried to loot Amazon by throwing a brick through his computer screen.

**Sharks** · #**423** 11-08-2011, 11:20 AM

Fernando Torres has joined in with London riots. he's reportedly thrown 12 petrol bombs, police confirm that none have hit the target.

**Sharks** · #**424** 19-08-2011, 06:40 PM

Dear Santa,

Please dont bother coming this year as I have everything.

Leroy,
Age 7,
Tottenham.

**manUdave** · #**425** 19-08-2011, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharks

Dear Santa,

Please dont bother coming this year as I have everything.

Leroy,
Age 7,
Tottenham.

got that as a text today

**imperial109** · #**426** 19-08-2011, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharks

Dear Santa,

Please dont bother coming this year as I have everything.

Leroy,
Age 7,
Tottenham.

I was thinking football team, not geographically. I was sitting thinking "it was only Hearts!!!"

**bazzer** · #**427** 20-08-2011, 12:28 AM

I watched my first 3D porno last night. It was so realistic i could reach across and play with the birds massive tits.

It was at this point her husband noticed me stretching inside their bedroom window and pushed me off my ladder.

**imperial109** · #**428** 25-08-2011, 08:39 PM

‎"Adebayor, Adebayoooooorrr, huzhmmmmhmmmhmmhmmhmm, hmmmhhhmmmsa hmmooooorrrrrr" - Backtracking Spuds.

**Sharks** · #**429** 27-08-2011, 10:22 AM

What do you call a scottish bloke who works in a School Kitchen?

Dinner Ken.

**Sharks** · #**430** 29-08-2011, 07:30 PM

Revolver asked me to post this. He bought shit loads in the hope they might be useful. However this venture failed as he's ugly as sin and couldn't score in a knocking shop.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Mens-Novel...ht_2161wt_1199

Please help Revolver out and buy a set of these acorn covers.

Every little helps.

**Sharks** · #**431** 05-09-2011, 06:10 PM

I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just lay there lifeless so I decided to fuck her one last time. Then all of a sudden she just jumped up and shouted "BOO!".

Some people are just sick in the head

**Begbie** · #**432** 05-09-2011, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharks

I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just lay there lifeless so I decided to fuck her one last time. Then all of a sudden she just jumped up and shouted "BOO!".

Some people are just sick in the head

**tekken** · #**433** 10-09-2011, 01:02 AM

Crime in multi-storey car parks...

Wrong on so many levels.

**Greenman** · #**434** 11-09-2011, 02:45 PM

talking dog joke

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale '

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.  The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.  'You talk?' he asks.   'Yep,' the Lab replies.   After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

  The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young�
 I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.    In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'   'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...   But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger�

So I decided to settle down�

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
  'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'   The guy is amazed�

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.   'Ten dollars,' the guy says.  'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'   'Because he's a liar� He's never been out of the yard'

**mfc1876** · #**435** 11-09-2011, 03:24 PM

**elftone1** · #**436** 14-09-2011, 06:20 PM

Due to the financial crisis at ibrox,it has been announced that at the start of the old firm game on sunday instead of the traditional coin toss it will be started with rock,paper.scissors.

**Begbie** · #**437** 14-09-2011, 06:33 PM

Due to on-going allegations of child abuse within Celtic Boys' Club and the Roman Catholic church, Rangers agree to 'Rock-scissors-paper' to decide the OF kick-off. Celtic are no longer allowed to 'toss' anything or anybody.

**bazzer** · #**438** 22-09-2011, 02:25 PM

A Rangers fan and a Celtic fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Rangers fan replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan.

The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Rangers fan replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

**Begbie** · #**439** 29-09-2011, 11:26 PM

Not a joke but it amuses me.

**imperial109** · #**440** 29-09-2011, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Begbie

Not a joke but it amuses me.

You like a shaven pussy then, begs?