Post a Joke Thread - Page 19

**manUdave** · #**361** 08-06-2011, 06:47 PM

The old ones are the best shark

**revolver** · #**362** 08-06-2011, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharks

I told my daughter today that she reminded me of a toe.

"Um, because I'm small and cute?" she said.

"No," I replied "because I'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table when I'm drunk."

That made me guffaw out loud!

**Sharks** · #**363** 09-06-2011, 03:16 PM

Fergie and Kenny walk into a bar, barman says "sorry Kenny, over 18's only".

**Sharks** · #**364** 09-06-2011, 05:29 PM

How unlucky is my sister? Never had sex with a man for years in case of catching a disease, now low and behold shes caught e-coli off a fucking cucumber.

**Begbie** · #**365** 09-06-2011, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharks

How unlucky is my sister? Never had sex with a man for years in case of catching a disease, now low and behold shes caught e-coli of a fucking cucumber.

Love it.

**scudd** · #**366** 09-06-2011, 10:40 PM

Q: What's the difference between a female Manchester United Fan and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

football fans are leaving the big game, one from Brighton, one from Chelsea, and one from Manchester United, when they come across the body of a dead woman lying naked in the middle of the road. Not sure what they should do, the Brighton fan takes off his supporters cap and places it over her left breast. The Chelsea supporter follows suit, placing his cap over her right breast, finally the Manchester United supporter places his Mancheser United cap over her 'lower regions', and they decide they should call the police.
Several minutes later the policeman arrives and goes over to the body to inspect it. First he lifts the Brighton cap, and looks briefly at her left breast. Next he lifts the Chelsea cap, looking briefly at the woman's right breast. Finally he lifts the Mancheser United supporters cap off the woman, but instead of looking briefly, he stares at the woman's 'privates' for about 2 minutes.
Putting the cap down the police man thinks to himself and lifts the cap again. This time staring for about 5 minutes. The supporters think this kind of behaviour a little strange, and when the policeman finally finishes staring and comes over to them, they ask him what he had been looking at for so long.
The policeman replies: "It's the darnedest thing, but that's the first time I've ever seen anything other than an arsehole under an Manchester United cap"

**Sharks** · #**367** 10-06-2011, 04:31 PM

German airports closed by ash. Doubt it will be for long, the Germans have experience in clearing ash

**Sharks** · #**368** 10-06-2011, 04:34 PM

DIY tip of the week:

A woman is on all fours with cum dripping from her arse and both corners of her mouth. What does this tell you?

Your floor's level!

**Sharks** · #**369** 10-06-2011, 04:59 PM

Ryan Giggs dosn`t care where he gets it....Big brother or Little brother.

This one is on that channel 4 comedy program tonight, told by Sean Lock, which was filmed last week.

Quote:

Do you know where the ash cloud has come from?

It's Ryan Giggs burning every newspaper he can get his hands on.

**Sharks** · #**370** 10-06-2011, 05:01 PM

Tip of the Day 2.

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack........................ don't yell out............. 'Hi Jack'!

**Sharks** · #**371** 10-06-2011, 05:02 PM

Pickup line of the day: "Did you get those pants in a sale? Because at my house they would be 100% off!"

**Sharks** · #**372** 10-06-2011, 05:04 PM

A pharmaceutical truck was robbed today, all of the Viagra was stolen, the police have asked the public to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.

**Begbie** · #**373** 10-06-2011, 06:26 PM

Sharks. You are a sick and sad individual.

(I probably am too as I think they're quite funny, except the viagra one... and the plane one... and the pants one.)

**Sharks** · #**374** 10-06-2011, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Begbie

Sharks. You are a sick and sad individual.

(I probably am too as I think they're quite funny, except the viagra one... and the plane one... and the pants one.)

Check this one out:

What have Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna got in common ?

They both died with skid marks on their helmets

**Sharks** · #**375** 10-06-2011, 08:13 PM

I often go to the big cities of India, and went to my favourite last month for the second time this year. There was a sandwhich shop there I hadn't been to before and it was exquisite.

New Delhi?

No, I think its been there a few years.

Begs:

I'm just c/p-ing from here onto the place I can't mention and Vice Versa.

**scudd** · #**376** 10-06-2011, 08:42 PM

Q: What do Manchester United Fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

**Tats** · #**377** 10-06-2011, 09:26 PM

A man walks into a sports shop. He goes up the the counter and asks for condoms. So the women on the counter says, "Sorry, we don't sell condoms here, try next door at the chemist."

So later on he comes back in and says can I have a pack of condoms. The women says again, "I told you earlier that we don't sell condoms here."

This goes on for a few more days. So the woman says, "What did you really come in for?"

The man says, "Well I was too embarressed to ask for an Everton shirt!"

**scudd** · #**378** 10-06-2011, 09:30 PM

Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Manchester United Fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the United Fan..... Twice.

**imperial109** · #**379** 10-06-2011, 10:35 PM

Billy : Mum, I've got the biggest cock at nursery school, is that because I'm a big boy?

Mum: No, it because you're 28 and retarded. Now watch before you slabber your spaghetti down your new Tottenham top.

**Begbie** · #**380** 11-06-2011, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scudd

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Manchester United Fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the United Fan..... Twice.

Just to be sure.