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So i bought these new shorts and they're cursed...
Worn them three times and three times i've dropped food on my crotch...
First one was eating crackers and cream cheese - cracker breaks lands on my crotch one guess which way the cream cheese landed....then later i'm off to the hardware store and i'm buying some tools and i see the checkout chicks gaze go down and then i look down and there's the big cream cheese stain i forgot about twat...try tellin em it's cream cheese....
Second was tucking into some KFC - dip my chip in gravy and on path to my mouth gravy exits chip straight onto my crotch - great.
Today standin in the pub sheila gives me a beer take one mouthfull and the bassa's overflowin and straight onto my crotch - walkin round there like i pissed meself ahhh gees.....
What you're really saying is you had a wank, didn't see the stain, went out, got shamed, went to the pub to get off your face and get over the embarrassment and drank so much you ended up water skiing at the bar (pissed yourself while holding onto the rail).
Your above post is just the excuse you gave to your lass when you got home