Australia.... No thanks

**Burdock** · #1 19-12-2009, 03:13 PM

A mate of mine living in Perth sent me this one..... Rain.. Snow.. I'll settle for it....

DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Kalgoorie , Western Australia . Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.

September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fuckin' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from fuckin' Perth ....

October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the fuckin' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.

November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to fuckin' throttle him. Fuckin' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking fuckin' wet and I smell like baked cat!

November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my fuckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!

November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a fuckin' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fuckin' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two fuckin' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin' place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fuckin' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the fuckin' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the fuckers!

November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fuckin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid fucker. Fuckin' Kalgoorlie ! What kind of sick, demented fuckin' idiot would want to live here!

December 1 - WHAT!!!! The first day of Summer!!!! You are fuckin' kidding!

**bazzer** · #2 19-12-2009, 06:55 PM

did nobody tell him it's hot as fook in hell ?well down-under is the same aint it

**Tats** · #3 19-12-2009, 08:11 PM

Lmao thats excellent

funny as fook

**deadlywill** · #4 20-12-2009, 03:25 AM

Did the arseburn on the motorbike seat yesterday arvo. It certainly wakes you up. The rest is accurate though. Love it. Bring on Summer....A fully fit cat,dog or human left in a car without window open will die within 7-10 minutes in 35 deg heat. The car is like an oven you just literally cook all the water out of your system and drop. Come for a visit - you'll love it.

**robo** · #5 20-12-2009, 10:33 AM

I love it here. Only weird thing is you go to bed at about 7pm, then find you are wide awake a 5-30 am, everyday.

Oh.

And wake at 12-55am to watch Utd play shit against Fulham.

**deadlywill** · #6 20-12-2009, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robo

I love it here. Only weird thing is you go to bed at about 7pm, then find you are wide awake a 5-30 am, everyday.

Oh.

And wake at 12-55am to watch Utd play shit against Fulham.

The only good thing last night was it was an early start for us. That's about all i can say about it...

**deadlywill** · #7 21-12-2009, 08:39 AM

Over the weekend news -

Snake bite - http://www.dailymercury.com.au/story...handra-advice/

Shark attack - http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2...20/2776841.htm

Box Jellyfish victim - http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2...20/2776754.htm

All we need now is a Croc attack and we'll have the quaddie lol

**Burdock** · #8 21-12-2009, 11:45 AM

Call that news?

THIS is news......

http://www.sthelensreporter.co.uk/st...-to.5927694.jp

http://www.southportvisiter.co.uk/so...1022-25417731/

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/liver...0252-25440732/

**onerytk** · #9 21-12-2009, 03:03 PM

Quality Burdock lmao

**Raff67** · #10 21-12-2009, 04:13 PM

Must be shite not knowing what exposed parts feel like after being out all day when it's -10c.

**Burdock** · #11 22-12-2009, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raff67

Must be shite not knowing what exposed parts feel like after being out all day when it's -10c.

If you choose to expose your parts when it's -10c.... then that's your own look out.

OT.... I went to Tallin, Estonia in February a few years back... now THAT was cold, and I loved it. Got down to -23c one evening, and the funny thing was, the public transport system never packed in, the roads were clear (even though there is no thaw for at least 3 months of the year) and the planes were on time.... compare that to this country...

**Raff67** · #12 22-12-2009, 04:02 PM

I was meaning more like ears, nose etc..back to your cold shed yah weirdo.

I suppose for the true authentic aussie experience they can give inmates in strangeways, barlinnie etc really powerful sunbeds.

**bazzer** · #13 22-12-2009, 07:12 PM

6 inches of snow here ,brill just what you need for the perfect christmas ,arm's are sore throwing snowball's ,and makeing snowmen ,how can yous in oz celebrate christmas in the searing heat ,must be so artificial ,i'll take the snow anytime ,nothing to beat a real christmas,even my oz neighbour admits christmas is 100% more authentic,and more fun here in uk, let it snow, let it snow ,let it snow

only the turkeys get burnt arses here lol

**fishtoast** · #14 22-12-2009, 07:47 PM

It make's a change that it is actually snowing at christmas as alot of the time it seems to snow in febuary here in Liverpool [when it does snow]

**suzie** · #15 22-12-2009, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fishtoast

It make's a change that it is actually snowing at christmas as alot of the time it seems to snow in febuary here in Liverpool [when it does snow]

I remember we did have a bit of snow on xmas day in 1993 wasn't much though fishie

**DerekM** · #16 23-12-2009, 10:22 AM

We have 2 Xmas's here, one in July and one on Dec 25th. In July we all go out to the local restaurants who lay on Xmas meals, drinks and entertainment. In Dec we have Xmas dinners at home on Xmas Day and entertain on Boxing Day with a barbie and/or picnics on the beach.
Rain is forecast here for late Boxing Day and showers on Xmas Day with temperatures of 24C. We have the Xmas Tree up and Xmas lights on the deck and cicadas in the background. Pelicans and Black Swans on the lagoon opposite the house.
Went for a body surf in the waves this pm, water temperature is 23C and air temperature 27C. Just right. But move inland a couple of miles and its 4/5 degrees hotter. Most of NSW is under a total fire ban and water restrictions are in place.
Merry Xmas to all.

**suzie** · #17 23-12-2009, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DerekM

We have 2 Xmas's here, one in July and one on Dec 25th. In July we all go out to the local restaurants who lay on Xmas meals, drinks and entertainment. In Dec we have Xmas dinners at home on Xmas Day and entertain on Boxing Day with a barbie and/or picnics on the beach.
Rain is forecast here for late Boxing Day and showers on Xmas Day with temperatures of 24C. We have the Xmas Tree up and Xmas lights on the deck and cicadas in the background. Pelicans and Black Swans on the lagoon opposite the house.
Went for a body surf in the waves this pm, water temperature is 23C and air temperature 27C. Just right. But move inland a couple of miles and its 4/5 degrees hotter. Most of NSW is under a total fire ban and water restrictions are in place.
Merry Xmas to all.

bloody hell two christmas days! I can just about cope with this one

Sounds lovely though derek just fancy a surf but not in this weather

**deadlywill** · #18 23-12-2009, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suzie

bloody hell two christmas days! I can just about cope with this one

Sounds lovely though derek just fancy a surf but not in this weather

..slip the bikini on - run and jump - and crack your head open on the ice - i'll take my chances with the stingers

**deadlywill** · #19 23-12-2009, 02:10 PM

I just found out the the young girl stung by the boxy that i posted above last week has pulled through. She's only 10 bless her but she's got some tale to tell for the rest of her life with those scars -

Full update story here - http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2...23/2779814.htm

**bazzer** · #20 23-12-2009, 02:35 PM

glad the young girl has pulled through, what a mess her wee leg is in , that would seriously mess my head if my wean was left scarred like that ,it would be the local swimming baths for me ,and mine ,glad we dont have the same dangers at our beaches , i'll stick to prestwick beach